s05e14 102125 - Episode - Kori Leigh === Kori: [00:00:00] There's this mad in recovery and he always says, Kori, you're giving, he says it to all of the women, but you're giving your daughter your children a gift that they'll never know to thank you for. And I loved that because. I grew up in chaos and dysfunction. I grew up in an alcoholic home and she's just not gonna have, she'll never know to thank me 'cause she's just never gonna, she'll never have experienced that to be able to compare it to anything. It's the greatest gift of all. Announcer: Is there anyone out there from darkness to Life? Contains the real stories of individuals who found their way out of the darkness caused by mental health challenges and substance abuse. If these stories resonate with you and you or someone you love, need help and don't know where to turn, our collective journey is here for you. Please reach out when you're ready to our collective journey.ca or on Facebook at our collective journey. [00:01:00] Poncho: And I'm ready and I. Okay, we are finally all set from the, uh, plugged in media headquarters in downtown Medicine hat. My name is Poncho, and welcome to our latest episode From Darkness to Life. And joining me today on the show, uh, we are joined by, how do I even describe you? Uh, Kori. I mean, I mean, you are a woman who has turned rock bottom into, into rocket fuel. I, I, for lack of a better word, I, I mean you're a, a globally ranked. Podcast host, you're a, a business coach, you are a, uh, spiritual mentor and sobriety worder, uh, warrior. And after, uh, you hit your lowest point in, in 2016, so about what, 8, 8, 9 years ago? Is that right? Yeah, that's correct. Uh, and after that, that's when you, um. Found sobriety, you found faith, and you have built a life that is inspiring. And when I say inspiring millions across 57 countries, I am literally meaning you are inspiring millions of people across 57 countries. [00:02:00] Uh, you are a, uh, top 10 globally like podcast host and we are very honored to have you part of, uh, of, of today's episode. So, uh, thank you very much. Kori: Oh my gosh. Thank you for having me. Poncho: I, uh, I have a, a, a few questions and I thought I, we'd, we'd, we'd keep today's episode just kind of natural and loose and, and see where it comes from. Um, and I was looking at some of your podcasts and one of the first things that really stood out to me, Kori, replacing good habits or replacing rather bad habits with, with good ones. You talk a lot about discipline and, and, and habit stacking. Um, so what's your, do you, do you have a, a go-to strategy for taking those bad habits, those destructive habits and replacing them with, with positive good habits? Kori: Yeah, I mean, I think the biggest thing for me was that the habit stacking, if you will, it came over time. Like it was, i, it's a lot of therapy and a lot of recovery [00:03:00] work, and slowly but surely learning. What specific things, because we're not all the same. So what specific things my body, soul, and sobriety needed, and then stacking those up on top of each other. Poncho: And how important is it because after you've been through the lowest of the lows, and I, and I've been there as well, you need something to fill that void. How important is it to, to fill that void? Kori: Oh my gosh. I just think that addicts and alcoholics, for me anyway, we have this uncanny God-sized, massive void inside of our souls. That's at least for sure the case for me and the and and I. I did everything that I could in active addiction to try to scratch my way out of it or fill that void in any, and I didn't know that that's what I was doing, but on the other side, yeah, there's.[00:04:00] I feel like once drugs and alcohol are removed from the, the equation, it's just like me and, and lights. There's no buffer, and the only buffer that there is is filling up that void and that void for me in recovery has to be filled up by God first, and then disciplines that keep me connected to God. All the time. And, Poncho: and, and how did you find that? Because I imagine you, you didn't wake up one day and boom there, or maybe you did wake up one day and, and boom, there were all the answers for you. Kori: No, no, no. This has been, this has been years in the making. It's been, for me, it's been 15 years of. Therapy and healing familial wounds and trauma and like, so, and then recovery happened halfway through that, and then there's eight and a half, almost nine years of recovery. So, and I still do biweekly therapy and I go to recovery meetings on a regular basis. So I'm constantly, um, leaning [00:05:00] into what God is asking of me. So it didn't happen overnight. It was a long, slow progression that I feel like I've got. My claws a little bit sunk into, but it's still ing that's in motion. It's still always evolving. Poncho: And, and I think that's, I, I, I think a lot of, if not all, um, recovering addicts feel like that, you know, 'cause I'm that that beast is sleeping, but I mean, that beast is always so close to being woken. And, and, and that can be a, a scary feeling, can't it? Kori: Absolutely. Yeah. They say that the, it's coming baly and powerful, and I've heard that. Um, metaphors, the, the beast is doing pushups in the parking lot at all times. Like it's always growing. And so I have to, I, I come to understand that for me, I have to be vigilant on my recovery. And the way that I like looking at it is like yester brushing my teeth yesterday does not keep my teeth [00:06:00] clean today. It's gotta be done again today. And that's the same with my recovery work, my fitness work. It doesn't bank on itself. Every day is a fresh slate. Every day is a day that I'm gonna work my recovery, connect in with God, and stay sober for the day. Poncho: Yeah. I I, I, I mean, you can't do one good thing two weeks ago or three months ago and think that that's gonna carry you through the rest of your life. That's not how life works. Because you get up every day and there are new challenges, you know, and there are new surprises around every single corner. Uh, you also sunset something in incredibly interesting. So you, you've been sober since 2016? I. And you said you struggled with sobriety for another, um, 6, 7, 8 years pre previous to that, what, what was the lowest of the, of the low for you, per personally, do you, do you mind, are you okay if, if we enter that part of your life? Kori: Yeah, so I landed in, I'm 41 now and I landed in, [00:07:00] uh, therapy at 27, and at 27 the 27 inch area. And what threw me into the beginning, I call this like the beginning of my rock bottom. 'cause my rock bottom was like, I imagined it like a baseball diamond. And I was like sliding into the home run over a decade. And the beginning of the rock bottom was an abusive, narcissistic, terrible relationship. And like the police were involved and it was really bad. And trying to get out of that is what threw me into, um, therapy. That I think was the beginning of my alcoholism and drug issues, sort of taking on becoming completely and utterly out of control, but only my journal knew it at that time. Like I knew that something was wrong in my journal. And on Mondays when I was really hung over, I knew that something was not quite right, but by Thursday I forgot and I'd start drinking. And so [00:08:00] the, the issues that I was, uh, facing at that time was a lot more of like, I thought it was the abusive relationship, and granted it, it was that, but I didn't, I didn't at that point have a deep underlining, um, understanding of how addiction was playing a role to fuel this catastrophic fire that would then throw me into my actual rock bottom that happened in 2016. Poncho: Wow. So, so even back then, you, you knew that you were struggling and, and you knew that you had some serious demons to contend with. Kori: Yeah. And, but I saw that the demons were schizophrenia or bipolar or like, I, I was cutting myself and I was in a bad relationship and I'm drinking a lot, but like, at that point. Drugs and alcohol still seemed like the solution to the problem because like when I drank into drugs that I didn't feel the feelings that I felt as me when I'm sober. So I'm still, [00:09:00] I didn't have an understanding yet that alcoholism was, the ism part was what was fueling my depression, anxiety, all the things I just thought. Though, I'll say that, but my journal knew like my, something in me knew that the way I was doing drugs and alcohol was not normal. Poncho: So what changed? Kori: Well, nothing changed for a really long time. It actually just got way worse. Like after I exited that relationship, I then met a man and got married and, um, I think that that was the perfect storm for me. That was that I slid into rock bottom in that marriage and, um. I don't know. I remember in the last year of drinking, I had this like sneaking suspicion that I had an allergy to alcohol. 'cause it was not, it wasn't producing a stable effect anymore. It was always kind of the shit show, but it was like, it was weirder and it didn't matter how much I drank. I was always projectile vomiting [00:10:00] the next day. And so I did a elimination diet, like a good holistic nutritionist. I did 56 days of no alcohol and then I added it back in and. It took five days for me to go completely out of control again, and that was the night. This completely out of control night. That wasn't necessarily as out of control from the outside looking in as other nights that I had had, like I didn't lose my car or anything like that. And that night. Something happened that night, that moment and clarity, that voice, that was not my voice that, that I just surrendered naked and crying. And this voice was like, you ha you have a problem. And then I had to drink the next couple of days because I was so hungover and, and then it was the 27th, so that was on the 22nd of December, and then by the 27th of December was my first sober day in 2016. Poncho: Wow. And, um, [00:11:00] no, and, and, and, and, you know, and, and those that suffer addictions, and we, we all say this, um, before we make the choice to get sober, that we have to experience those lows. We have to go through those lows. So when you, when you stop alcohol for a, a, a little bit, and it almost sounds like you had a, a little mini relapse of, of sorts. Kori: I think it, it's interesting because right here I have. One of the things that's been very fascinating to me about recovery is how long it is taking for my brain to saw out and for me for, for reality to place the replace, the delusional way that I've saw it. So one of the stories that I like, for example, a story that I've always ha that like stuck by is I didn't drink and drive. In my seventh year of recovery, I had all these memories of times that I had lost my car of times. I literally was dreaming and driving and losing my actual vehicle. And I think it's just like I, I would wake up with [00:12:00] so much regret and shame and remorse that I would file these things away in such a way that I would forget. And it was the same idea. I, I always peed strong on this story that I never tried to quit drinking. Like I never relapsed. 'cause I never tried to quit drinking. But the truth is, is like I tried a lot of times to not drink so much, or if tried to take January off or that time when I took the 56 days off, I never really thought of it as an air quote relapse because I in, I always had intended to drink again because I was doing an elimination diet and an elimination diet in the holistic nutrition world is you take out the allergen and then you add it back in to find out what the response was. But I, but then it, it went completely out of control when I added it back in. I did it five days in a row. Like there's no reason to drink five days in a row. And, and then I, and then on the [00:13:00] fifth day it was absolutely unhinged and out of control. So, Poncho: so how did you make, how did that make you feel? I, I'm realizing that. It was alcohol, something that you had no intentions of giving up. This was the thing that was making you incredibly sick, and now you have a whole new challenge ahead of you. Kori: Yeah, it was horrible. It was like. One of the things that was horrible about it was those first four days where I didn't go out of control, I had controlled drinking and they were controlled. Drinking for me is miserable. Like, it's like I'm, I'm watching how much I drink and I'm trying to drink it slowly, and I'm watching how much it's like it consumed my brain and it's not sun. And then when I realized I had a problem, I. I don't know how it made me feel. I was so, I had never felt good before, so it was just like, here we go again. Like, I just, I don't, and then it, and then when I'd gone into recovery, when I got sober my life, it absolutely [00:14:00] imploded on itself. Like the marriage fell apart and it, like, it just, it got so much worse in my first year of recovery that I just felt, I felt really, really hopeless. Poncho: And, and why do you think it got worse in, in, in the first year? I, I Is that when everything was, was coming out? Kori: Yeah, I think it, well, my, at the time I was married and my husband, who, he never came home, so he called, he was working outta town and he called me up and he was like, I'm not coming home. And then he just didn't come home. And now I know with hindsight, and he had a drug addiction that I had no idea about. Like the unmanageability of our life was crazy. But him leaving. And it, it just created this, what I now see as a perfect storm. Yeah. There was like so much grief and so much sadness that I was, I felt like I had fallen to my knees. I was in total despair. I was [00:15:00] desperate, and so I was willing to do the work that was in front of me. But the first year of sobriety wasn't like some people have a pink cloud and it's like exciting. And it wasn't. It was horrible for me. It was the destruction of everything that was dysfunctional. 'cause I lived a dysfunctional life and in order to get well, I had to exit all of the dysfunction Poncho: at this point. In, in, in your life, those that care about you, your friends, your family, do they have any idea of what you're going through right now? You know, Kori: so it's a funny when, okay, so the day after my elimination diet, my eliminating alcohol in the 56 days, and then I get all and then stop. That was on December 22nd in 2016 and the 23rd. I am absolutely, I'm shaking. I'm so hung over. The only way I'm not [00:16:00] vomiting the next day is to drink more alcohol. And it was a Christmas gathering. And my stepdad at the time, they knew that I was doing this elimination thing and he came and he was like, so how did it go? Like, wasn't okay. Like he had, they had people had. No idea. And I still, people that are close to me that'll hear my podcast or my story, nobody really knew the depths of what I was moving through on the inside. Poncho: Did you share it with anyone? Kori: I shared it, but I'm saying, you know, it's been interesting as I've talked on podcasts, I get asked questions that I am not, it's not necessarily the angle of the story, my story that I've ever told. Recently we were talking about the self-harm. I'm a big, I was a big self harmer, and, but it wasn't cutting, it was scratching. So it was essentially the same thing. My arms are still scarred from this like weird self-soothing thing that I always did. [00:17:00] But because I didn't know anybody else that did something like that, there were, I had so much stain around the euphoria I got from that and the way that it would put me to sleep and. So I don't know that I fully shared the depths of darkness that I was feeling because A, I didn't know that it was abnormal. I had never not felt that way. Announcer: Yeah. Kori: But B, the parts that I did know were abnormal, were fucking bizarre. And I think there was so much shame around how I felt on the inside. Plus, there's this weird thing with me, and I think a lot of people can relate to this, is like, I'm. A pretty tight bay from the outside looking in. Like I looked like I got my shit together. Poncho: Yeah, Kori: I kind of always did. Even at the base of my rock bottom, I was running marathons. I had written a book, like it wasn't, it didn't, my outsides and insides have never fully matched. Poncho: Yeah, that's, that's, um. I'm gonna use a, a really bad analogy. It's kinda [00:18:00] like Facebook. You know, we, we always post our, our Best Lives on, on, on Facebook, right? We, we post what we want the world to see, not necessarily what's actually happening inside, you know, the, uh, the changes and the dysfunctions and, and the chaos and the negative thoughts. And again, this is just speaking from my own personal, uh, opinion. So what changed? Kori: Yeah. You know, it's interesting even in that, because again, one of the benefits and surprises of recovery for me is the way that I am slowly stepping into acknowledging reality. And I think there was so much that of delusion for me, that's part of my disease, like and delusion as in I didn't even know that I was lying to myself. So I like the metaphor of the Facebook [00:19:00] idea of putting our best, like our, our highlight reel forward and not sharing the behind the scenes. And the thing that's weird is like, before podcasts were even a thing, I had a blogger space, like back at, like 20 years ago. I had a blog, an online blog, and I've always shared an uncanny amount in the online space, but I, I never knew. That I wasn't sharing the whole inside 'cause there was, it was so deep inside. Did. I think what has changed is just like a lot, a lot of work and coming to terms with the re with reality. Poncho: Yeah. And, and you have worked hard. I mean, anybody that has recovered that, I shouldn't say that has recovered because once you're in recovery, we're in recovery for the rest of our days. You know, and, and that's, that's some something that you already mentioned on earlier, is that you, you can't forget where you come from. You know, you gotta, you know, you gotta make every day the best day. Um, you [00:20:00] talk about non-negotiables for a powerful life. Mm-hmm. And this is something that's made you, the person that you are today. Um, and I get it. There's, there's no. Set template, right? Because we are all individuals and therefore, I mean, ultimately we need a, you know, a plan that's gonna benefit us as, as an individual. That said, can you share your, your top three non-negotiables with us? Kori: Yeah. Oh, top three. So definitely the, my priority, my priority, non-negotiable is recovery. And so not picking up a drink, which means doing the things that I need to do on an everyday basis to ensure that that doesn't happen. So like my more, this is kind of, there's a few things underneath this umbrella, but like my morning prayers, my 12 step work, um, going to meetings, working with others, that's, that is a non-negotiable, my connection and relationship with [00:21:00] God on an everyday basis and my fitness. Poncho: Did you always have faith Kori? Kori: No, my relationship with God, so I grew up in a Catholic Baptist home, so I always knew that there was a God of some capacity. Um, I knew that like the seasons were not changing out of some spontaneous, like there there is a God, I've never debated that there is a God. But when I was, um, six I on summer holidays, my dad died of a brain aneurysm. And this fundamentally shifted my relationship with God because I took it personal and I was like, if there's a God, then how could something like that ever happen? And, but it was confusing also 'cause I was raised that if you're a good girl, you're gonna go to heaven. And that's where dead people are. So like, I like hated this God, but I knew that I needed to reconcile with this God. So my [00:22:00] relationship with a God was that. I felt always like a puppy had fallen off the back of the bus. And there was a God for others, but not for me. And because I didn't understand acceptance, I didn't understand how to pray, my idea of praying was like put it on a vision board and demand that it happens when I want it to happen. Right. Poncho: Yeah. Like a wish, like a Christmas wishlist. Kori: Yeah. Like, you know what I want or I don't believe in you. And the more that I operated that way, the less fate I'd had because that doesn't, that for me, that does manifestation does not work for me. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, faith took me, I remember when I got sober and hit rock bottom and it was suggested that I find a higher power, like what my, what my own conception was. And I remember after my husband left and I'm early in recovery and I, grief was so intense and I think that it was so intense. 'cause it was probably all the years that I had [00:23:00] suppressed it all coming out in this sober wrestle. And I remember thinking grief will be my higher power. It's, it's most certainly stronger than me. Um, and so I, that's kind of where the beginning of my faith started. Poncho: Yeah. Yeah. And, and you have to, and you have to give into that. I, yeah. I mean, really you have to give it all. It's either all or none. Kori: It's, I think there's a lot of things in Langs that are in the gray zone, but faith either is or is not. God, either is or is not. I either have faith or I don't. And in those early days when I had appointed grief as my mire power, it, the way that it, the metaphor that I would think about is like, it felt like I was standing in a landslide on a mountain and trying to hold one rock up. Like the whole thing was there. There was only get killed by all the wrongs or just move out in the way and let the land slide. Poncho: Yeah. Kori: In letting the landslide learning acceptance and to stay sober and to just [00:24:00] witness this thing and learn to not take it personally, slowly but surely. I started to develop a real, a working relationship with the God of my understanding. Poncho: And, and I think, um, because you said, and I wrote this down because I, I, I found it so interesting. I wrote it down a few times. God meets us in our mess. Oh. So how do you help others see their plan as part of their purpose? Kori: Oh man, it's so interesting. I was talking to somebody the other day and she was like, how do I find my purpose? What is my purpose? And it's like, Poncho: yeah, Kori: I, I waited for so long. I, I prayed to God for a purpose. I always wanted to, I think humans want a purpose. We wanna like, have a meaningful lives and. Right. So I pray to God like, just tell me what the purpose is and I'll do it, whatever it is. Yeah. Okay. But I thought that the purpose would fall from the sky, like a team of angels would come [00:25:00] marking down and here's Kori's purpose. Here's it. Yes, here it is. The scroll. I was always waiting for the scroll. Like I wanted the 10 steps, the scroll. And when I've come to understand about our purpose. Is that it's this working unfolding. It's like faith without works is dead. The works part is the purpose. It's like making my bed in the morning and feeding my child and my dogs doing my non-negotiables. Yeah. Like living today really well. And as life unfolds so too does my purpose. Or our purpose. Poncho: Yeah. Kori: So it's like, it's not. In my experience doesn't just fall out of the sky. Our purpose evolves and, and is revealed to us as we live Poncho: well and, and to be present. To be, to be aware, because it's here every day. But I mean, un, un, un, unless we open our eyes to awake and recognize it, I mean, it's gonna, we're not gonna see it. You know? And, and, and, [00:26:00] and I think it's about, and you said, you know, it's, it's about waking up and feeding the, the, the pets and looking after the kids. And it, it's the little things. I really think that it's the little things that we do every single day that help us regulate a really powerful and, and healthy life. Kori: Yeah. It's interesting too because I know for me as an addict, I am always loved like a good juicy, big emotional outburst. Like I like the big moments. Yeah. And a lot of recovery for me has learning how to the magic in the mundane, it's learning how to be boring. It's learning how to like live just today. The big moments, you know, like the a dance or a promotion or winning the lottery. Like these are small moments. There's a few of these that make up a lifetime. Yeah. But mostly it's just the mundane, like mostly every day we're just living the mundane. And I think in learning that this has taken me time and I have to continue to [00:27:00] be dedicated to it. But in learning how to live in the boring, the air, quote, boring. Found so much more peace and serenity, and then in hindsight, I can see where my purpose was. Poncho: Yeah. You know it, and because you mentioned the big, the big moments in our life, whether they're, you know, moments of grief or whether they're moments of celebration, you're right, they don't happen too often. But what does happen, those small moments, those happen. Every single day, all the time. And I think when we can stand back and and appreciate something like that, I think that's when we get a lot more enjoyment out of life. You also said that we need purpose in our life. How many times do we hear stories of people winning the lottery? They retire only to go back to work because they have, they have nothing happening in their lives, you know, so I, I, I think it's incredibly important that we stay, um, fulfilled. [00:28:00] So when things get messy, when, when things in life are uncertain, and that's, that's life that happens every day, how do you stay aligned with those values? Kori: Well, I love that question. I'm in a time right now of a lot of uncertainty, and I'm grateful that I've developed the philosophy of when things are going really well. I doubled down on my non-negotiables and recovery, and when things are going really not well, I doubled down on my non-negotiables and recovery. So in other words, I've learned to live my action is always the same despite how I feel and despite what I'm moving through. Poncho: Yeah. Kori: It just is the same now. It's just the way that I live. It's just the same. Poncho: And you also talk about living, and I I wanted to ask you about this Living a 15, 10 Life. Oh. Where it's about, um, why I, I, I, I, I would uh, why don't you explain that? Because I get, when, [00:29:00] when I heard it, it was about, well, kinda like raising your standards to be a better person. I. Kori: Yeah. I think one of the things that I had to reconcile in having a relationship with a higher power is this idea that, you know, poverty was the virtue. Yeah. And we're never gonna, like, we should like live little lives. And, and I always think about God when it comes to like a peony, a peony out in a beautiful field. God is never giving the peony, hassles the water that it needs because it should struggle and improve itself. No. God wants the peony in soul blossom because when the peony is in soul blossom, the entire ecosystem is in soul blossom. Yeah, and I think that that's why God gets us sober is that we can be participants in the ecosystem of the entire collective doing better. If I'm living an eight out on the 10 or a one out of 10, like low standards in a small life, I end up living in a [00:30:00] place of depression, lack cells, and when I'm there, I'm focusing on me. But when I'm living a life where I am expecting the best and holding up my standards, then I, then I am full and I can be of service to the ecosystem. Poncho: Yeah. Yeah. And, and once, and once you main, once you maintain that attitude, once you maintain that lifestyle, it does become easier, doesn't it? Because you know you're forming new habits. Um, so I guess my next question is in terms of, um, I dunno, spiritual fitness. What, what would that look like for you on a daily basis then? Celebrating a lot of the small things. I, I bet Kori: for sure. I mean there, I have a few spiritual fitness every single morning. Uh, I literally, the first thought that I'd have is, thank you, God, for this day, and thank you for sobriety. It just is, it's become trained in my brain before I'm even out of bed. I've always come downstairs, [00:31:00] uh, make a coffee and do my morning prayers. Morning reading. I always preach something spiritual and something recovery based. 2025 has been my year of Emmett Fox. I cannot get enough Emmett Fox. He's so good. Um, I always write a gratitude list and send it to somebody else. Mm-hmm. I've been working, I work a step 10 at the end of the day, so I write a nightly inventory, connect back in with God, and then throughout the day there's a lot of, I'm just mumbling talking to myself, which is me talking to God all day long. Poncho: Yeah. Yeah. And what about the cinnamon buns? Where do the cinnamon buns come into play? Kori: Oh. So I, okay. The cinnamon buns. I love that you asked this. I just learned how to make a sandwich loaf, and so yesterday I was, my whole theme Y three was the sandwich loaf. So bread and cinnamon, buns and baking have become a, a meditation and movement, if you will. Mm-hmm. Like it's just, I. [00:32:00] I just love it. Like I'm, I'm always loved food and I don't, for some, for whatever reason, it just connects me into God. And I think one of the reasons it does this is because my brain is so, I don't know what you wanna call it, A DHD, alcoholic neurodivergent upset. I'm obsessive to the core that when I can funnel that into places, like when I'm making brand, for example, or listing rates, my mind goes quiet. And so I can just, I can I get more centered and more connected to God when I'm doing these things. Plus I love eating everybody. Poncho: Well, who doesn't love food. And, and, and really, I, I mean, when you get, uh, grape bread or sourdough cinnamon buns, it's also an opportunity to have some real meaningful conversation. And therein, I think, comes a lot of empowerment. And happiness. And I know, um, I know you also said that, uh, well you like to, uh, participate in Spartan Races. [00:33:00] Was, was that always something that you were into as well, or did that happen through Recovery? Kori: Fitness was always something that I was into. Poncho: Okay. Kori: But in recovery, I think pro Pre recovery fitness was, I mean, it was always an outlet, if you will. But now in recovery, it's like there's peace. I find peace in doing it. I find God, yeah. In these like Spartans or lifting hurly head where my mind can go quiet. Yeah. Poncho: Yeah, it's first of congratulations on even wanting to do something like a a Spartan race. That's a, and, and I know you're in the, uh, you're in the, uh, Columbia Mountain Range, aren't you? Somewhere in like, in between the Mones and the Nee Mountain ranges, I think. Kori: Yeah. I'm at the Rocky Mountains. Yeah. Poncho: Yeah. So I, I mean, it's not like you're just running across a field either. I mean, wow. I mean, you really need to dedicate yourself to that, like you've dedicated the self to, to. To the [00:34:00] rest of your life, what advice would you give someone who, who might feel stuck, who might be having a setback right now? Kori: You know there is this book that's called, what's in the Way is the Way. I've never actually read the book because the title in itself has changed my life. I think we think that what's in the way needs to be solved before we can get onto our path. And what I have come to understand is that what is in the way is literally the way. So for me it's like rather than them trying to hijack it or get out of it or run away from it, it's about learning how to really tend to myself while I'm in it. So when we're stuck, it's like, what do we need? What is, what does the soul need when we're really, do we need to unplug? Do we need to get sober? Is there a relationship we need to exit? Poncho: How important is it to unplug? Not even necessarily unplug from [00:35:00] the, from the digital world, but I mean maybe unplug, if not maybe purge, uh, some of the people in, in your life. If that means living. A healthier, better you, because we all know people that might've had bad influences on us, you know? Yeah. And, and that's gotta be one of the toughest things to do, to have someone in your life that you've known for decades, your entire life. And to have to make the hard decision to say, you know what, I, I, I can't have you in my life anymore. If I wanna be around tomorrow, I, I need to say goodbye. Kori: I think I'm estranged from my entire birth family. Um, so I know, I know firsthand the pain of having to uphold standards in our lives that keep us, that keep us sober. Poncho: Yeah. Kori: I mean, the truth is, is that whenever we place above our sobriety, we lose in that order. Like, and so for me it's, it's about, mm-hmm. [00:36:00] This fierce dedication that says, I am going to live in a solution. I'm going to live sober. And anything that is not contributing to that has to go. But where my mind, I, I always remember that God's still in charge of the healing. So it, it doesn't mean it's gone forever. It means that for today, right now, my sobriety comes first and this gives room for healing on the big, on the big level. But I don't have to ever, I've given myself permission that I never need to drop the priority of sobriety for any people, places, or things. Poncho: Yeah. It's, and, and I've mentioned this to, to, to quite a few people, and, you know, and I've run into people saying, oh, I, I gotta get sober for the sake of my friends. I gotta get sober for my career. I gotta get sober for my family. And those are all wonderful reasons, but I've always believed that, you know what, you need to be selfish if, if you're gonna get sober, do it for you first and foremost. How can you look after those that you care [00:37:00] about if you can't look after yourself first? I mean, you need to be a role model. You need to be an example. Your motto, it's never too late to slay. Um, it's true. I, I absolutely love it. I, the first time, well, I, the first time I read it well was, I've never heard anything of it until, you know, I was, uh, doing a little bit of research and that really, really stuck out. It's never too late to slay. Where did that come from? Kori: Well, I think, you know, there's this weird thing that happens for us in recovery, and I see this over and over with people where I feel like. Regular people work on this linear timeline. They're like, well, there's this goal and then we've gotta move to this goal. But in recovery, this magical thing seems to happen where when we prioritize our recovery, and God, the timeline seems to get really wonky. We're we catapulted into the fourth [00:38:00] dimension, things start to happen really quickly. We can drink for X amount of time, and things seem to recover. In an astronomically short period of time. On the other side, it's like quantum physics bends for, for us in recovery, Poncho: right? Kori: So I think a lot of us come to it. It's like, you know, we get sober and it's like we don't have a driver's license or bank accounts or credits or like, we're like, adulting super late and it feels like for me I wasting time and it's too late. And, but the truth is, is that. It's never too late to slay because when we get into this weird quantum field of recovery, God seems to speed things up and position us in ways where our recovery gets to be of maximal service on a timeline that just seems different than what Normies get to access. Poncho: Yeah. Yeah. I like, and I like that you, I, I like it that you say it with a smile too. You know, Kori: wait [00:39:00] so lucky. We're so lucky. I feel like alcoholism was supposed to be the worst thing that could happen. Like this is the worst. I don't wanna be an alcoholic. I don't, this is rock bottom is gross and it's the worst. But the truth is, is that on the other side, it's so much better. Poncho: Yeah. And, and again, and there's that, there's that smile, you know, just starting to, to shine through. And that's like that with everyone that's in, in recovery. I mean, once you've seen the other side, once you've lived and once you've experienced the other side and to, you know, turn that coin over and to live a different kind life. Right. You've done something here that I'm incredibly proud of. You. You are a mom. Your daughter has never seen you drink. Kori: Yeah, that makes me cry. There's this mad in recovery and he always says, Kori, you're giving, he says it to all of the women, but you're giving your daughter your children a [00:40:00] gift that they'll never know to thank you for. And I loved that because I grew up in payoff and dysfunction. I grew up in an alcoholic home and she's just not gonna have. She'll never know to thank me. 'cause she's just never gonna, she'll never have experienced that. To be able to compare it to anything. It's the greatest gift of all Poncho: it. That was one of the, the low points for me is, uh, I woke up, man, kind of funny, despite all of the years that go by, how, how hard, you know, stories are to talk about sometimes, but I, I remember waking up on the carpet. Um, open bottle of pills, empty bottle of vodka, something that I'd been doing every single day, just a well I addiction, right? And, um, I woke up one morning and, and the first thing I thought of is my daughter. And I said, I, I, I can't, I, I never want my daughter to see me like this. [00:41:00] You know, and, and you talk about moments of, of inspiration and you talk about moments of awakenings. You know, I am so incredibly proud of you, Kori, for, for being able to do that and giving your daughter that kind of, of, of life, you know, and that edge. The latest generation needs more than ever to make a go vote in this world. Kori: You know, I think it's, thank you. And I think it's, this is a really important point 'cause I, I talk to a lot of women that are like, but my kids have seen me drink. And the truth is, is that God positioned me in a way where I happened to be sober before I got pregnant. Like, I just, yeah. That was God's timing. That was, that was just the way that it unfolded. I think there's a, a brilliant benefit for our children when they've never seen us drink, but there's also an insanely brilliant benefit when our children see us get well. That's something that's, my daughter won't [00:42:00] have ever seen. She was born into being well, whereas a, a child who has had a parent that's drinking that got well, they got to witness like, we can get well. So I just, I always think it's important to say. For parents that are listening to both sides of the spectrum, that just being sober is enough. Like regardless of when it happened, it's a gift for our children. Poncho: Hmm. I like that. Being sober is, is enough. Do you think we put, do you think we put too much pressure on ourselves as. Individuals that, that we need to do this and we need to do this to, to live a, a good life. I mean, sometimes, I mean, being sober is enough. It is enough. Kori: Yeah. It's wild. I remember getting sober and they would say, A day well lived is a day sober. And I would be like, what? That is like how low is our bar? I surely there's more to do in life than just stay [00:43:00] sober. And now, almost nine years into this, I've come to understand that just being sober is in fact enough. 'cause as long as US alcoholics and addicts are sober and not doing our drug, God can get in and God will do the rest. God is here to solve all the problems, but we've gotta stay sober in order for the problems to be solved and for us to be positioned to be of service. Poncho: Yeah. Yeah. And, and, and when you say, God, I, I mean your God might not be my God, my God might not be your God. Uh. Faith is it? Is, it is. Is that a a good word to use too, on just how incredibly important faith is? A lot of the times, I don't know about you. Faith is what gets a person through a day. A Kori: hundred percent. Yeah. I, I actually must call hers name yesterday. It took me ages before I can say, God, I called God the GOD for years and years. Grief was my first higher power. I, okay. Yeah. [00:44:00] Yes. It's faith and it's not about religion and it's not about, it's not about us all having one specific shared idea of what a higher power is. It's just like, for me, it was learning that I'm not the one running the show. Whatever it is that's running the show, it is not me. And so I have to have faith in something bigger. Poncho: Yeah, you have to, that, that's huge. When, when we realize as individuals, we have very little control over our lives. We really do. There's very little that we can control. As much as we like to think that we can control, there's, there's not, we can control how we react to others. We can control how we treat others. And other than that, there's, we don't have a lot more control. So when you're able to put your faith in, in, you know, in, in the GOD Uhhuh, right? I, I mean, things start to, to make a lot more sense. Kori: [00:45:00] Yeah. I think that's one of the greatest gifts of recovery. Is it? Poncho: Yeah. Kori: Understanding that life is unfolding. I am just a little stuck of dust in the great co cosmic unfolding of the whole thing. 'cause before that, I thought everything was personal and I thought I had way more control than I actually do. I don't, we don't have that much control. And so yeah, it's like, it's like getting onto a surfboard and thinking we're gonna dictate the waves. That is gonna be a disaster. But if we can get on the surfboard and ride the wave that is, which is fate. Then there is serenity to be found. Poncho: I like that. I really, I'm, I'm, I'm really, I'm gonna scribble that down. Uh, before I forget, uh, hey, if you're just, uh, joining us speaking with, uh, Kori Lee, can, can I give you a shameless plug for your, uh, your website, your podcast? Because I know, uh, not only are you a podcast host, uh, you are, uh, all over, uh, Instagram as well, [00:46:00] and I mean, if we can get the word out. To help push the fact that, I mean, because I, I, I mean, if, if you've ever wondered what it takes to, to rebuild your life from the ashes and live with, with purpose and purpose and, and power and peace and, and I mean. I really want our listeners to check out your website and check out your Poncho: podcast. So it's, it's Korileigh.com, is that correct? Kori: Yeah, and I'm on Instagram. It's mostly on Instagram @KoriLeigh? Yeah. Poncho: Okay. Okay, so K-O-R-I-L-E-I-G-H? Yes, Kori: correct. Poncho: Okay. All right. Check out Instagram first. Uh, Kori, I want, I wanted to thank you for, uh, so much for taking time out of your incredibly busy schedule and, um. I came here feeling, um, inspired and I am leaving even more inspired, and I'm so incredibly fortunate to be in a place like this where I get to sit down and, you know, um, have conversations like this with, with people like you. So [00:47:00] thank you very, very, very much. Kori. I, again, I really appreciate all the time that you've taken to be. Part of, uh, from the darkness to, uh, to life, uh, podcast. Much appreciated. Announcer: Thank you so much for having me. From Darkness to Life is an our Collective journey podcast. These are the true stories of struggles and triumphs against addiction and mental health challenges. If these stories resonate with you and you or someone you love, need help, and don't know where to turn, our collective journey is here for you. Please consider supporting Ocj by visiting our collective journey.ca and clicking donate. All proceeds go to supporting the health and well. List of people in our community, hosted by members of our collective journey, produced by Rob Pay, engineered, edited, and directed by Dave Crookshank From Darkness to Life is a plugged in media exclusive. Thank you for listening.